In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
