I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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