i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
