Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
