I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
