i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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