great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
where are you?
Hypothermia
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
