the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
