this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
