he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
