meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
