it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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