Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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