dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
