He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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