Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
