he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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