Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
