when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
