ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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