White coat. Heels.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
