I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
