Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
