I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
