There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
