just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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