ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
