right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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