yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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