..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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