The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
