We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize