yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
this hospital has no fireball
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
