There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
