No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
