Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
