I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
PANTIES FOUND
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