apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
