i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
