I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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