First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
