ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
