Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
