he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
not ubering you a puppy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
