Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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