Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
