apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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