Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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