I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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