Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
