Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
