There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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