i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
