normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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