dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
