Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do vagina's smell?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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