I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize