I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize