Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
