dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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