Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
