PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
